Architect of circumstance

The Ballad of Ira Hayes

2009-08-16T19:00:23Z

Gather round you people and a story I will tell
About a brave young Indian you should remember well
From the tribe of Pima Indians, a proud and a peaceful band
They farmed the Phoenix Valley in Arizona land
Down their ditches for a thousand years the sparkling water rushed
Till their white man stole their water rights and the running water hushed
Now Ira's folks were hungry and their farms wene crops of weeds
But when war came he volunteers and forgot, the white man's greed
Call him, Drunken Ira Hayes, he won't answer anymore
Not the whiskey-drinking Indian or the marine who went to war
Yes, call him, Drunken Ira Hayes, he won't answer anymore
Not the whiskey-drinking Indian or the marine who went to war.

They started up Iwo Jima Hill, 250 men
But only 27 lived to walk back down that hill again
And when the fight was over and the old glory raised
One of the men who held it high was the Indian Ira Hayes
Call him, Drunken Ira Hayes, he won't answer anymore
Not the whiskey-drinking Indian or the marine who went to war
Call him, Drunken Ira Hayes, he won't answer anymore
Not the whiskey-drinking Indian or the marine who went to war.

Now Ira returned a hero, celebrated throughout the land
He was wined and speeched and honored, everybody shook his hand
But he was just a Pima Indian, no money crops, no chance
And at home nobody cared what Ira had done and the wind did the Indian's dance
Call him, Drunken Ira Hayes, he won't answer anymore
Not the whiskey-drinking Indian or the marine who went to war
Call him, Drunken Ira Hayes, he won't answer anymore
Not the whiskey-drinking Indian or the marine who went to war.

And Ira started drinking hard, jail was often his home
They let him raise the flag there and lower it like you'd throw a dog a bone
He died drunk early one morning, alone in the land he had fought to save
Two inches of water in a lonely ditch was the grave for Ira Hayes
Call him, Drunken Ira Hayes, he won't answer anymore
Not the whiskey-drinking Indian or the marine who went to war
Yes, call him, Drunken Ira Hayes, he won't answer anymore
Not the whiskey-drinking Indian or the marine who went to war.

Yes, call him, Drunken Ira Hayes, but his land is still as dry
And his ghost is lying thirsty in the ditch where Ira died
Call him, Drunken Ira Hayes, he won't answer anymore
Not the whiskey-drinking Indian or the marine who went to war
Yes, call him, Drunken Ira Hayes, he won't answer anymore
Not the whiskey-drinking Indian or the marine who went to war.

We are the champions, my friend.

2009-02-03T02:49:33Z

AND WE WILL KEEP FIGHTING TIL THE END!!!

topnauchfarce @ 2008-09-29T03:00:00

2008-09-29T07:02:34Z

Break my heart
with the things that break Yours.
Break my heart
and make it like Yours.

by the by...

2008-09-04T00:55:18Z

a grief observed by c.s. lewis.

....EVERYONE should read it.

I'm exhausted.

2008-09-04T00:48:01Z

I guess I didn't realize how much these past two weeks had taken a toll on me til today.
I crashed.

topnauchfarce @ 2008-05-19T09:12:00

2008-05-19T13:15:15Z

I'm flying to Oklahoma in 5 hours!!
Ahhhh!!!

topnauchfarce @ 2008-05-17T16:23:00

2008-05-17T20:28:59Z

When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can’t sleep
Stuck in reverse.

When the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can’t replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you’re too in love to let it go
But if you never try you’ll never know
“Just what your worth”

Untitled ( for now)

2008-01-28T17:11:36Z

Her shrill voice sprang
through the clouds,
leaving the
residue of
panic. Whirling
with violent
motions she grabbed
her bag and slammed
the door behind
her, promising
never to gossip again.
What goes around,
comes back to you
in a black-
berry. Later
that day she drove
off a cliff.

WHY?!?!?!?!

2008-01-03T00:04:17Z

...BOYS SUCK!!!

Pictures from New England

2007-09-06T14:55:23Z

These are just a few digital shots-- once the film is developed I'll post those up.

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Pictures from Puerto Rico

2007-09-06T14:42:52Z

Haven't done this in a while. Enjoy!

Stop all the clocks...

2007-08-31T01:19:40Z

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He Is Dead,
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last for ever: I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood.
For nothing now can ever come to any good.

W.H. Auden

I'm on my way to a 5 hour training course...

2007-08-22T16:26:55Z

Hardly anyone uses Livejournal anymore.
What happened?
Nobody likes to write anymore?

New happenings...

2007-08-16T01:49:45Z

I got a job at Starbucks.
My car is fixed.
New art.
New music.
New ideals.
New convictions.
New me (sort of).
...among other things...
This year is definately going to be different -- I know it.

...now I need to go find myself some black shoes.

...

2007-08-12T23:27:47Z

...you live the life that you make for yourself.

Open Eyes

2007-06-24T05:22:19Z

Like a spilled canvas,

you look at the stars,

open your eyes and your heart to the nebulous world,

sending out messages like a whispering song,

into the cosmic void, that's been there all along.

No boundaries set afar to limit the escape,

just the journey through time

and the vast distance between the soul

and the love you thought you were uncapable of giving.

And nothing else matters but that substance that's filled the empty space,

taking the place of an unrested mind.

Letting go becomes habit, a skill as natural as breathing.

Encompassed in each minute a shooting star passes by

is the legend of hope when you were ready to die.

LC

I think I've developed a slight case of insonmia...

2007-06-22T09:41:30Z

It's 5:30 and im on alert for a creepy little cockroach who doesn't seem to die while watching Breakfast at Tiffany's.

Never again will I go to bed at 8 pm.

2007-06-21T08:41:01Z

It's 4:30 in the morning and I'm watching "Platoon".
For some reason, I feel as though I won't be dreaming about happy things when I finally get around to falling asleep again.

Imagination

2007-06-18T05:25:57Z

A place for the stars shinning as billions,

the sun's rays in the sky, bringing glory and brilliance.

Something as natural as harvested snow,

delivered with magic in the morning light's glow.

All the earth's creatures gather around,

as they witness life's miracles journey about.

LC

...tonight the sun shall see its light

2007-06-18T03:16:31Z

Hey, are you lonely?
Has summer gone so slowly?
We found the ground
And that damage was done
It's cold as you fade into the sun
Where'd you go? To me?

But you're alive!
Well, it's only
Fallen frames, they told me
You stand out, it's so loud
And so what if it is?
It's cold as you face into the wind
Where'd it go to? tonight the sun shall see its light

So what if you catch me,
Where would we land?
In somebody's life
For taking his hands
Sing to me hope as she's
Thrown on the sand
All of your work
Is rated again
Where to go ?

When I was sure you'd follow through
My world was turned to blue so thin
When you'd hide your songs would die
So I'd hide yours with mine
And all my words were bound to fail
I know you won't fail
See, I can tell

Only a select few.

2007-06-06T01:50:41Z

Okay. So I've spent most of my teenage and early adulthood life with the struggle of finding significance. Not even that. More like, the struggle of making sense of the daily occurrences in my life. Why I am the way I am. Why I do the things I do. For a small portion of the time, I thought I had answers. Not all answers, but a few to get me by. I'm 20 years old now, and I've realized, I have NOTHING figured out. Everything I thought I knew is completely WRONG.

I had a really good discussion last night with one of my closest friends. Speaking to him really forced me to understand myself. I found myself consoling him, not realizing that I was kind of consoling myself as well. So I went home, opened up "The Purpose Driven Life" and read chapter 10. As I was reading, I laughed. God really has a way of getting my attention. Everything my friend and I spoke about minutes before was all condensed in that tiny 10 page-ish chapter. Every answer I have been searching for was right there in front of me. And not because this is "The Purpose Driven Life"-- best seller of all best sellers. Believe me, I've read this book many times and it's only now that this specific chapter spoke out to me.

I went through a period in time where I thought I knew so much about God. That ultimate friendship that we all seek, I thought I had it with Him. Boy, was I wrong. Little did I know that I was stumbling into a hole of self-righteousness. The most dangerous of all poisons. I had been brought down from the ultimate highest and into the lowest. I doubted everything. My friendship with God grew weak. I fell into what has to be the ultimate depression in life. I prayed and I went to church. I would occasionally feel that high again, only to find it gone within a matter of minutes. This, of course, only brought about more doubt. So I started to speak to God more and more. When I found that he didn't speak back, my frustration grew. My patience was growing thin and I thought I would never find the peace I had quickly attained in that first year of "ultimate" friendship. I wasn't ready to give up, but my heart grew weary. It grew tired of searching for answers I thought I was never going to find.

It's in this time, however, that God spoke to me loudest. Throughout the tenor of this experience, God was there with me, suffering with me. He spoke to me, but I didn't LISTEN. He called out to me, but I didn't RESPOND. I said I trusted Him and surrendered completely to His will, but I had my OWN agenda. My heart grew weary not because I was struggling with God, but because I was struggling with myself. With my pride. With my own will. The power of surrendering brings more life into a friendship, than the resistance given in the attempt to understand. I tried so hard to understand what was happening to me, physically and emotionally, that I let that become the barrier between God and me.

Sometimes we know that God loves us completely, but forget to love Him back. And sometimes the only way to show our love to Him is by completely surrendering our hearts and our minds to Him. Trusting that any decisions we are faced with are His to make. As humans, we have limits to what we can do. We are not perfect. We are not God. Acknowledging this is essential in relinquishing that control over our lives to Him. It's not just a matter of surrendering to God once and expecting results. Surrendering to Him is a daily task. Sometimes, surrendering your life to Him is something you have to do repeatedly by the minute.
"If any want to become my followers, let them deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me. For those who want to save their life will lose it, and those who lose their life for my sake will save it." Luke 9:23-24.

Loving God is like loving someone else. The relationship is not perfect. We're not always going to feel that "high" when we feel God's presence is strongest. Like anything else, it takes effort and dedication, of course, but it's that very dedication that sparks interest that eventually grows into a surmountable measure of love. People are constantly changing. Therefore, it takes a lifetime to truly know a person. Even then, there's a little bit of mystery. Knowing God is the same. We have to seek Him. He's constantly showing us knew things, but if that dedication and that willingness to know Him aren't there, we'll never really know ourselves either. I'm not sure where in the bible is says it, but basically it says this: You'll never get a personality of your own -- you'll never truly know the person you can be -- until you know God for everything He is, until you let His love fill you up so that everything you look at you see through His eyes.

Looking back now, that makes perfect sense. I go through these monetary moments, where I become completely anti-social. Weird, I know. But during those times, I feel like I lose myself. Like I have no identity. No real being. Like I go through life through life like a robot. Doing the things I'm supposed to do without much thought. Does this mean, I kind of lose God? I don't know, perhaps. But, lately in those monetary moments, I've felt like those are the times when I should seek God's presence the most. And you know what, I have. The only difference now, is that this current "monetary moment" I'm experiencing happens to be my quiet time. A time for peace. To refresh and rejuvenate every aspect of my life. Nothing matters now, except my family, the few relationships I have (the few friends I have) and most importantly -- the building block for them all-- my relationship with Christ. And that's all I need to focus on right now. Everything else, by God's will, will follow. This time, I'm listening. I'm responding. And I'm letting go of my own agenda.

topnauchfarce @ 2007-05-28T21:32:00

2007-05-29T01:37:51Z

Robin Hood: Men in Tights = best movie EVER.

topnauchfarce @ 2007-05-26T00:19:00

2007-05-26T04:24:15Z

Love is when that person becomes your instinct.

topnauchfarce @ 2007-05-12T23:42:00

2007-05-13T03:47:35Z

So, today was ALMOST kind of crappy.
I'd say there was a good come-back by the end of the night with a few exceptions.

No man is an island...

2007-05-10T05:17:00Z

It's 1:12am.
Life has thrown an essentially impossible task into my hands.
I'll never figure out how to transfer pictures from my phone unto my computer.
...I used to do so well with technology.